35 Things I Learned While 35
In anticipation of my birthday this week, I reflect on my past year. Like writer and speaker Laura Vanderkam, I created a long (long!) list of what I learned in the year leading up to my birthday. Technically, I could have created a list of the 36 things I learned this year while being 36. I did not, however, make that list! Life’s lessons sometimes need time and perspective.
Below are insights from 2020 about myself. This list isn’t even trying to be approachable, in either length or relatability. It’s purely self-focused. Beware. My 35th year was 2020-2021 and was the year I had my second baby and the year the pandemic began. Reflected in my list is much of the self-work in the areas of healthful habits and adjustments to my career and adaptations to a growing family. Revisiting this list, I see many discoveries remain relevant, and others have grown more meaningful throughout my 36th year. Here's what my 35th year around the sun taught me:
Pragmatism is a core value of mine.
Moisturizers are needed in the morning and the evening which is so inconvenient. This is a lesson that has only become more clear as time passes.
I need a warm-up in most situations. Long walk? Warm-up. Transition from work to home? Warm-up! Applying moisturizer? Ugh. Warm up.
Begin the day with meditation, always before starting work, as a key to productivity. It’s a form of a warm-up!
I am relatively ok with the unknown (we’ve all been able to see where and how we fall on this continuum, haven’t we?). Eight prior professional years of living with unpredictable trial schedules, the work of trials, and constant changes in the law helped me navigate these COVID times.
My body is synched with the seasons. I go to bed with the sun in the winter and stay up late in the summer. Maybe this is why I love summer and winter - spring and fall just have too many fluctuations. (Though, they may be good practice in flexibility!)
Phone and computer screens are a migraine trigger. I use with intention and caution.
I learned the term “energy-management.” I now live out the term “energy-management.”
I get more tired than most.
I learned the importance of naps for grown ups.
Our lives are easier when the kids (one kid, one baby) have less clothes and less shoes. One drawer of clothes each, one pair of shoes each is the sweet spot.
Many sun salutations are needed in my yoga practice now at 35. No longer can I be laying in a restorative pose several times a week calling it exercise.
I need to wear my glasses in the dark in order to see? Makes no sense to me either.
Poetry is best when spoken. I occasionally will buy the audiobook so I can listen.
Mono-tasking is the only sustainable way for me. Perhaps this is why WFH without childcare nearly killed me no less than five times and why I can’t effectively text while … doing anything else.
Texting seems great for maintaining relationships that get regular attention and care, but connection is reestablished with voices or faces (or both!).
Meal plan for a month at a time. A week works fine but a month opens up possibilities for free time.
I like a coach. Hand holding is amazing. I also like to be a coach!
Nothing matters more than help. My highest aim is to give it freely and creatively and without excuse, ask for it precisely, and accept it confidently.
Reinvention and creative problem-solving. Thinking outside the box was needed for my specific pandemic experience: how to have a baby in a pandemic when transmission was unknown and medical appointments were unavailable and medical supplies were threatened, how to connect with family and friends, how to help others, how to regain physical strength, how to stay engaged, how to travel, how to socialize, how to work from home, even how to grocery shop. The list is long! No area of life escaped evaluation, intentionality, and reboot.
I have worked hard this past decade to make myself louder, heard, taking up space. I like that.
Life is too short for bad butter. We all know this is true for wine but I switched exclusively to the premium stuff and everything tastes better.
Materials that don’t breathe make me physically ill, and I no longer buy or wear them. Easy and wonderful.
I have to understand the bigger picture before diving into the smaller stuff. This applies to COVID, work from home, raising a newborn, etc. I need to see the forest through the trees and the reasons behind it.
Is there a balance between asking questions to understand something versus figuring something out on my own? I realize I swing back and forth between these ways of problem-solving.
There is power in scripts and so much power in the naming of something as a "script". Thank you Dr. Becky for naming a tool I used without even understanding it had a name. Scripts have always been an influential part of my life since my college days and can be applied to everything from parenting, to work, to celebrations.
Discomfort is not a sign to give up, it shows me it's time to take a break, reflect, and plan a path forward.
I need reasons to change my mind. Please tell me, specifically, why.
Everyone has opinions.
I like lunch! But only in the work-from-home (or obviously on vacation!) context. Never have cared for it before - too rushed, too much work, too many people, too much packing. Lunch is easier at home.
Use it or lose it- my body, my PTO, my very old gift cards.
Just do it imperfectly. Do my health imperfectly, volunteer imperfectly, show up for myself and my people imperfectly. Disagree imperfectly and speak up imperfectly and help imperfectly and listen imperfectly. It's better than the alternative, which is not doing these important things.
Spoon Theory and Ring Theory. These should be taught in high school.
Hunger is not a feeling in the stomach for me, hardly ever. It is more a feeling of energy loss, weak limbs, and slight headache. Who knew?
Runners are not the only people who need exercise every single day. Once I realized this, I felt instantly less confused/guilty for needing a tiny amount of time away from work and family to exercise everyday.